


For You, I Blossom

by gengar



Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Minor Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2249121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gengar/pseuds/gengar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In moments like these, he felt like a terrified child, center stage at his first school play, knees shaking and choking on the lines he’d spent months trying to memorize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For You, I Blossom

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a month ago, while thinking about what Haru might say about his future if he and Rin were in an established relationship throughout the season, especially after Sousuke cornered him against the vending machine. But then episode 9 happened, so I finally decided to finish it.
> 
> Enjoy some cute fluff and these two idiots talking about their feelings and the future!

Words didn’t come easily to Nanase Haruka.  In his post-relay world of solidified friendships and renewed relationships, where he had learned the value of self-expression and the strength of his own desires, he still had trouble putting his thoughts into words, and an even harder time expressing them aloud.  In the most important moments, they clung to his throat, sticking to the walls like glue and refusing to come loose, even when all he had to do was open his mouth and let them tumble out.  In the moments of silence, when tears filled the air and warm arms wrapped around his neck, they dug into his tongue, so close to being spoken and yet lightyears away without any sort of mental crowbar to pry them loose.

Most times, he didn’t mind.  After all, he had always had Makoto to translate his thoughts to the world, to help make himself known.  His friends were accepting of his behavior, letting it slide with laughs as that was “just the way Haru was.”

But then there was Rin.  Rin, who couldn’t read his mind the way Makoto could; who sometimes misunderstood what he was trying to get across.  Who he got into petty fights with over meaningless things, who he himself couldn’t understand sometimes.

Matsuoka Rin, who flipped his world upside down, tugging him out of his comfort zone and into the metaphorical spotlight.

In moments like these, he felt like a terrified child, center stage at his first school play, knees shaking and choking on the lines he’d spent months trying to memorize.

The stage that evening was his bedroom, quiet in the glow of the late evening, the smell of sex still clinging to the air, mingling with the fresh sea breeze coming in through his window.  He laid in bed, sheets drawn up to his hips, one arm tucked underneath his pillow, the other draped over Rin’s waist as he faced the wall, his back to Haru’s chest.  His breathing was even, his exposed shoulder rising and falling in the dim light coming in through the window, provided by the brightness of the moon and the distant street lamps.

Haru’s script said he was supposed to be sleeping too, and one glance at his clock told him the same thing.  It was late, sleep hugged the corners of his eyes and forced his head down onto his pillow, but his mind whirled like an old grandfather clock, still ticking despite the illusion of dormancy.

This wasn’t the first time.  Thoughts crowded his mind to the point of congestion, full to the brim and unable to be pushed aside or shuffled in with the “To Sort” pile that was such a large part of his mental process.  He couldn’t turn them off, not when he was swimming and not now, wrapped around his boyfriend and wishing he were asleep.

Because, for the first time in what felt like a _long_ time, he wanted to talk.  But the words wouldn’t come easily to him.

Glancing over Rin’s shoulder, his eyes sought the crack in his window, a narrow view of the world outside.  If he strained his ears, he could almost hear the distant roaring of the waves as they crashed onto the shore in high tide.  But Rin’s quiet breathing was distracting, a reminder that, even if he wanted to talk, the person he wanted to talk _to_ was fast asleep, a world and a dream away from him and his problems.  He wanted to wake him, to nudge him out of his slumber, but was that selfish?  Haru wasn’t the most _selfless_ person, but there was no guarantee that, even if he woke Rin up, he’d be able to find the right words to express what he was feeling.

But in the radio silence of his bedroom, where Rin’s breathing was his white noise, he felt an anxiety deep within his gut that said he could be silent no longer.

“Rin?” he started, because that was simple enough.  He said it quietly, barely a hushed whisper on his lips.

When no response came, he tried again.  “Rin?”  This time he nudged him, just a little, his knee touching the back of Rin’s thigh.

Beside him, next to him, cradled against him, Rin stirred.  “Wha—?” he asked, tiredness clinging to his words like static.  “Whuzzit?”  His words slurred together in his exhaustion, barely discernible, and he shuffled closer to Haru.  Unable to see his face, Haru wasn’t sure if he was sleep talking or on the brink of sinking back into his dreams.  Or if he was as awake as Haru wished he would be.

“Rin, I-“  He swallowed, feeling the words jumble together in his throat.  “—Can we talk?”

Haru was met with silence, stretched out long enough to make his heart sink to his gut in quiet disappointment.  A sigh was stopped in his throat, ready to leave his lips as he contemplated giving up, maybe even attempting sleep.  ‘Well, at least you tried,’ he could say to himself, as if that would make it easier for him to let go of everything he’d been holding onto.  But he knew that was just another lie he’d be telling himself.

It was the sound of a yawn that stopped him, his eyes widening in hopeful curiosity.

“What’s wrong, Haru?” Rin asked, and though he could still hear the weariness in his voice, at least he knew he wasn’t talking in his sleep.  Especially considering the note of concern he could already detect in Rin’s voice.  It didn’t make him feel any better.

Rin’s name clung to the tip of his tongue, caught there like a thistle weed; like a sea urchin.  Silence stretched between them again and Rin shifted, reaching back to touch Haru’s hip, stroking it with his fingers in what seemed to be a comforting gesture.  It worked, relaxing Haru until he could feel his throat loosen and his muscles unwind.

“I want to swim with you,” he said finally, nudging his nose into the back of Rin’s head so he could whisper the words into his hair.

Rin laughed through his nose, short and sweet, and it made Haru’s heart flutter.  “Right now?"

“Always,” Haru said, breathing the word through his lips without a second of hesitation.  And for a moment, his heart, which had been trapped in the pit of his stomach, felt free.

Haru didn’t know what he was expecting Rin to say, but he was at least expecting him to say _something_.  Instead, his answer was met with a silence so thick he couldn’t even swim through it.  His heart slowly began to make its way down into the pit of his stomach again and he squeezed his eyes shut, thinking that maybe he said too much, wishing that if he fell asleep now, maybe he could pretend it was all just a dream.

But, once again, Rin ripped him from those thoughts when he turned around to face him, his eyes wide, any last evidence of sleepiness gone.  Haru looked up at him, his own eyes wide and curious, and he wanted to shrink back, but he couldn’t.  He was frozen under the weight of Rin’s gaze.  “Haru…”

Was Rin’s look of concern a result of his understanding of what he meant, or a lack thereof?  Haru wasn’t sure which answer he preferred, so he repeated himself.  “I want to swim with you always, Rin.”

Rin’s eyes glistened and he blinked a few times in rapid succession before sitting up to look down at Haru.  He crossed his legs slowly before leaning forward on his hands.  “What brought this on?” he asked.

Haru’s lips drew into a thin line.  He thought of the phone calls from recruiters, telling Amakata-sensei that they were interested in his progress through the national circuit that summer.  He thought of Yamazaki Sousuke, cornering him against a vending machine and telling him never to get in Rin’s way again.  He thought of practice, of the burn of muscles well-used, as he wondered how badly he was holding Rin back.

And he thought of racing Rin at prefecturals; of winning only by a split second and standing on the deck of the pool talking to him afterward.  Of seeing him smile instead of cry, of hearing him congratulate him instead of walking away.

(He thought of their race together before that, when Rin told him he was going to fire him up.  And he thought of Rin succeeding.)

“Nothing,” he said, glancing away to stare at the ceiling as if it were the most interesting thing in the room.

“Bullshit,” Rin whispered, shuffling closer to Haru to nudge him with his leg.  “What’s up, babe?”

The pet name was enough to draw Haru’s attention back to him, their eyes connecting in the darkness.  Rin’s eyebrows had drawn together, a deeper look of concern written across his features.  He lifted one of his hands to brush Haru’s hair away from his face.

Haru had a lot to say, he discovered, when it came to Rin.  So many things had been building up since the start, back when they were children, culminating with the turn their relationship had taken after regionals the previous year.  But he found, unsurprisingly, that he had a hard time saying those things.  Not because he didn’t want to (he did), not because he didn’t see the need to (he did), but because he wasn’t sure how to.

If he could speak his mind so freely right now, as freely as he swam, he could easily think of the words he wanted to say to Rin.

_I’m afraid.  Of losing you.  Of holding you back.  I’m afraid of giving up myself, I’m afraid of not being free._

_But, despite that fear, I’m here with you now, where I always want to be.  And I want to swim with you always, Rin._

_I want to always be in the lane next to you.  I want you to continue showing me those sights for the rest of my life.  I never want to lose you again.  I want to swim with you, Rin.  I want to anchor you to your dreams, I want to help you achieve them.  I want to achieve something for myself, in the only way I know how._

_I want to go with you to the Olympics._

_I want to chase this dream with you._

_I love you so much._

Even as the words formed in his mind, shining in the depths of his eyes as he looked up at Rin almost helplessly, he couldn’t say them.  Why?  It wasn’t as if they hadn’t told each other they loved each other before - Rin said it all the time, Haru returned the sentiment almost always (occasionally instigating himself).  Maybe it was because these were things that Rin didn’t know yet, maybe it was because he was scared.  But there he was again, words stuck to his throat like barbed wire, digging into the flesh of his tongue and refusing to let go.

It was times like these when Haru wished that Rin could read him with just one look, like Makoto could.  But he knew he didn’t mean that.  He liked that Rin couldn’t always understand what he meant and he liked that sometimes he’d look him in the eye and wonder what was going on in his mind, how he had to ask “what’s up?” instead of just _knowing_.  It meant more work for Haru, more time spent communicating than he would’ve normally enjoyed, but there was something about watching Rin trying to understand him that struck a chord in Haru’s heart.  That constantly reminded him of just how much Rin _cared_.

Sure, it meant that sometimes they weren’t on the same page; sometimes they had issues communicating or misunderstood each other.  But Haru didn’t think he would change that, even if it made his job easier.  He wouldn’t change Rin for anything.

Through his unending silence, Rin watched him with surprising patience, his fingers running through the strands of his hair as he struggled to keep the exhaustion  at bay, a gesture which made Haru’s heart leap up into his throat and swell there.  If there was ever any doubt that he loved Rin, it would’ve been cleared in this instant.  But he’s never doubted that fact, not since Rin left for Australia, not since Rin cried on his face in front of those words written in the dirt ( _For the Team_ ), and not since they’d shared their first kiss, nor the million and one kisses to follow.

Reaching up, Haru wrapped his hand around Rin’s wrist, stopping the fingers weaving through his hair despite how much the gesture comforted him.  Rin’s eyes widened just enough, before he laced their fingers together instead, giving his hand the gentlest squeeze.  Haru felt his heart soar.

“I want…” he started, the words stumbling from his lips before trailing off into the darkness.  He took a deep breath and exhaled.  “You asked me about my future.”  The words came slowly, as if he was contemplating every single one before they left lips.  “And I’ve made up my mind.”

Rin’s look of concern transformed into something laced with shock, anticipation, and a hint of excitement.  Haru had long since been able to read that look on Rin’s face, as it was one he’d seen often.  “Haru…”

But Haru continued, despite wanting to give up, despite wanting to leave at that and hoping Rin understood.  “My future is with you, Rin.”

“Haru,” Rin whispered again, and Haru could hear the edge of tears in his voice, almost as much as he could see them glistening in his eyes, illuminated by the dim light coming in through the window.

But Haru wasn’t done.  “My future is with you.   _Swimming_ with you.”

This time, his name didn’t leave Rin’s lips.  Instead, silence enveloped the room like a comforter on a warm night, stifling and yet still cozy; familiar in a way and yet not too overbearing.  The hand gripping his tightened as Rin seemed to contemplate his words.  Once realization dawned, his eyes widened and he looked down at Haru.  “You serious?”

And what else could Haru say, but “Yes.”  

He _was_ serious.  After all, Haru never said anything he didn’t mean, and he wouldn’t be struggling here now if he wasn’t completely and deadly serious.  But that didn’t mean he was any less terrified - of giving up himself for a future with Rin, of giving up his freedom, of somehow losing Rin along the way.  But he supposed a step in the right direction would be to tell Rin that, to reach his hand out again and ask him to show him that sight one more time.  To see that sight for the rest of his life.

A sigh escaped Rin’s lips, fluttering past his throat to hide a choked sob as he used pulled Haru into his arms.  They embraced for what felt like forever, Haru gripping Rin as he held him close and cried silently into his shirt, the wetness against his chest and the gentle shaking of his shoulders the only evidence 

After an eternity, Rin regained enough composure to speak.  “You have no idea.  What this means to me,” he choked out quietly, his tears obvious in the way his voice wavered despite how much Haru could tell he was trying to keep it together.  It made him smile.  “Haru—“

“I think I do,” Haru whispered, giving Rin another brief squeeze as he pulled away to look at Rin, his eyes red rimmed and still glistening.  Their foreheads rested together as Haru’s free hand reached up to wipe away the tears that had slipped down his cheeks.  This all felt so cheesy, so overly-romantic and saccharine in a way that defined most of the peaks and firsts of their relationship: Rin’s awkward confession, their first date, their first kiss, their first time, their first ‘I love you’s.  Haru had come to expect it now, content to soak himself in the dramatic and romantic moments that came with dating Matsuoka Rin.  Who cried at the drop of a hat, who tried so hard to make every moment special - make every moment _count_ \- who loved him so fiercely and dedicatedly, who Haru loved just as much in return.

“I want to swim with you always too, Haru,” Rin whispered as he nuzzled his nose against Haru’s, their eyes locked despite the fatigue, despite how hard he’d just cried.

“Yeah,” Haru said as he nuzzled him back.  His heart beat steadily against his chest, reminding him that he was alive, that this moment was real, far removed from the dream it felt like.

Rin’s kisses reaffirmed that, his lips brushing up against Haru’s, quick and barely there.  But they way his own lips tingled and the way the kisses remained long after they’d been planted made him feel alive; made him feel happy in a way he couldn’t even begin to describe.  “Come to the Olympics with me,” Rin said, in between those soft presses of lips.

Haru sighed, returning the brief kisses as best he could.  He was smiling, unable to help the way his lips turned up, betraying the emotions he was always in such tight control of.  “Okay.”

When Rin captured Haru’s lips again, this time he didn’t pull back.  Instead, he wrapped his arms around Haru’s neck, angling his head just enough to slide their lips together in a teasing kiss, one that ripped a shiver through Haru’s spine.  As a quiet gasp slid past his throat, Rin wasted no time in slipping his tongue inside his mouth, brushing it against Haru’s teasingly before capturing his lips between his and sucking gently.  Haru’s fingers threaded through Rin’s hair, his eyes fluttering closed as he moaned quietly.

Their kisses were slow and gentle, tender in the wake of their moment together, but that didn’t stop them from reigniting the slow burning embers in the pit of Haru’s stomach, nearly-extinguished after the sex they’d already had that night.  He felt excited and shameless, especially when the occasional tilt of his head would remind him of the drying tears on Rin’s cheeks, but he couldn’t pull away, not when Rin was holding him so close, not when every fiber of his being _screamed_ for this closeness; screamed for _Rin_.

Haru gasped when Rin rolled them over and pinned him to the bed, straddling his waist and pushing him back onto the mattress and the pillows, the sheets that felt too warm against his skin.  He let his hands wander lower, memorizing every bump and groove of Rin’s spine, fingertips tracing patternless designs across his skin.  He felt daring and the tips of his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of Rin’s boxer briefs as he relished in the feeling of lips against his own, the suction of open-mouthed kisses, the trace of tongue against tongue, and warmth of hands against his chest.

It didn’t take long, nor did it take much, for Haru to get hard again.  Especially when Rin was pressed up against him, kissing him like there was nothing else but _this_.  Especially when he could feel the slide of Rin’s hips against his, teasing and slow.  Especially when his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and fly away from sheer happiness alone.  As his hands wandered lower underneath the waistband of Rin’s boxer briefs, he gripped his ass, bringing their hips together and grinding up against him.  To let him know just how excited he was; just how much he wanted him (wanted _this_ ).

And he wasn’t surprised at all when he felt that Rin was getting hard too.

Though Haru wanted nothing more than to make love to Rin again, he was sure they both knew they couldn’t.  Not when fatigue wrought their features, tugging on their limbs in an attempt to lure them back to sleep; not when they were still feeling the residual soreness from the intimacy they had shared only hours earlier.  But Haru was fine with that, enjoying the feeling of Rin against him, hard and wanting, returning the slow grinding of his hips in a way that set his skin and heart on fire.

“Rin, I—“ The words caught in Haru’s throat, this time because he was interrupted by a quiet moan instead, ripped from his lips by the slow, sensual feeling of Rin’s cock rubbing up against his.

“ _Fuck_ , Haru,” Rin whispered, picking up the pace with his hips as he silenced his moans with a searing kiss, one that left him quivering as if it scorched his very soul.

If they weren’t exhausted - if they weren’t half-asleep, if Rin’s eyes weren’t red-rimmed from crying and Haru’s head wasn’t reeling from _everything_ \- they might have at least taken this slow.  They might have attempted to draw out the pleasure with shallow thrusts, pulling back each time they felt close to the brink only to bring themselves there again.  They might have spent hours doing _just this_ until they came harder than they ever have before.  But now, in the heat of the moment and in the wake of a revelation, Haru was sure that neither of them could even consider drawing this out, not when they were both gripping each other as if they were still in a dream. 

They did manage to pause, if only to tug at each others’ underwear, struggling to pull them off without breaking their kiss, driven by the desire of skin against skin.  It took some maneuvering, but they finally managed it, dumping them on the floor with the other hastily discarded articles of clothing from earlier.  And then Rin was kissing him again, gripping both of their cocks between his hand as he rutted up against him, slowly and deliberately.  Haru whined, his hands gripping Rin’s ass again to bring him closer, grinding up against him desperately as they regained the pace they had lost only moments before.

“Fuck, _fuck_ you’re amazing,” Rin panted into Haru’s mouth, in between swipes of his tongue and the squeeze of his hand.

Haru gasped.  “A-Ah, Rin—!”  In the pit of his stomach, a warmth pooled like magma, threatening to burn him alive at any moment.  As a shiver ripped through him, he reached up to grip the strands of Rin’s hair, his other hand massaging his ass as his spine bowed, pressing them closer together to make every thrust feel _incredible_.

“Are you close?” Rin whispered, pulling back from their kiss so he could rest his forehead against Haru’s, his eyes half-lidded and hazy with pleasure.  Haru wanted to kiss him again, but there was something about looking into Rin’s eyes as they ground their hips together.  It made the fire burning in his belly even hotter, as flames licked his sides and made his skin tingle.

“Yeah.”  Haru panted hard against Rin’s lips, picking up the pace of his thrusts, his grip on Rin tightening.  He was so close, he could feel it; his entire body was trembling, his head buzzing with his imminent release.  He wanted to hold on for as long as he could, to savor this moment and this feeling, but he wasn’t sure if he had the energy, physically or emotionally.

Rin grunted as he tightened his legs around Haru’s waist, his hand squeezing their cocks together as he thrust into it.  His lips sought out Haru’s again and they kissed, passionately and desperately.  “God, Haru,” he panted, eyelids fluttering and thrusts erratic.  Pulling back, he moved his lips to Haru’s neck, a few bites and sucks trailing after his lips as they moved to his ear.  Pressing against it, he moaned loudly, the sound close enough to make Haru whimper.  “Come with me.”

And Haru did.  His back arched off the bed again as the warmth in the pit of his stomach consumed him, leaving goosebumps and shivers in its wake.  Pressed up against him, he felt Rin come too, riding his orgasm until its finish as he peppered Haru’s lips with sloppy kisses, panting heavily and trembling.

In the moments following their shared orgasm, they curled up against each other, legs and arms tangled together despite the stifling heat in the room and the sweat sticking to their skin.  They breathed in each other, Haru’s nose pressed into the crook of Rin’s neck as his eyes fluttered closed and sleep began to seep into the corners of his mind.

“I love you,” Rin spoke into the silence of the room, his words sinking into Haru’s chest and making him feel warm (loved).

“I love you too,” Haru said, and he was ready to leave it at that.  He was ready to let sleep finally take him, to usher him into the quiet dreams and blissful rest he’d been denying himself for too long.

But it seemed it was Rin’s turn to worry.  “…Are you sure about this?” he asked, breaking the blissful silence unapologetically.  Haru could hear a touch of nervousness in his voice, masked by the sated satisfaction of sex and adoration.  “I mean.  If you’re just doing this for me—”

Haru silenced Rin with a kiss, pressing their lips together gently.  He let them linger there before he pulled back and nuzzled his nose into Rin’s cheek.  “I’m sure.”  _I want this.  For you, for me.  For us._

As they cuddled up against each other - the embrace only broken by Rin’s shifting, intent to clean them up before they slept - Haru felt his heart blossom like a night-blooming cereus, opening up to the light of the moon.  Only he knew that, come morning, it would still be there, beating hard in his chest to remind him of this moment; of the feeling of Rin in his arms, crying against his chest, kissing him, l _oving_ him.

To remind him of the values of expression, of the strength of his words and convictions.  To remind him that he could bloom more than one night a year.

 

 

 

It wasn’t an alarm that woke Haru up, but the feeling of the biting, morning cold against his bare skin instead.  His eyes struggled to open, glued shut by exhaustion and a lack of sleep and forced closed again by the bright sunlight streaming in through his window. 

“Wake up, Haru,” Rin sang as he yanked the last of the blankets off of him, leaving him exposed to the chilly air coming in through his open window.

Haru groaned.

“It’s six,” Rin said, sitting down on the bed so he could pull Haru toward him.  When he cracked his eyes open again, he noticed Rin was already wearing his track suit.  …Right.  “We’re burning daylight already.”

“How are you even awake,” Haru mumbled, his arm resting over his forehead to shield his sensitive eyes from the light.  He might not have been the one crying last night, but the two hours of sleep he got definitely weren’t helping.  Nor was the stickiness still clinging to his stomach and thighs.

Rin only laughed, getting up from the bed so he could cross the room.  Haru used the opportunity to grab for the covers, pulling them up to his chin so he could make an attempt at getting warm again, maybe even at falling back asleep.

When Rin returned, he shook a piece of paper in front of Haru’s face.  “I made this for you.”

“What is it?” Haru grumbled, snatching at it so he could get a better look.

“It’s a new regimen for land-based training,” Rin said, crossing his arms over his chest.  His stern look was cut by the excited smile on his face, infectious and not easily tamed.

Narrowing his eyes as he looked it over, Haru felt himself wake up with every word.  Rin continued to smile.  “If you’re gonna get serious about the Olympics, you should start doing these in the morning.”

Haru groaned again, letting the piece of paper fall onto his face.  “It’s too early for this.”

Rin laughed.  “And now that we’re on the topic, we should take a look at rebalancing your diet—“

Haru grabbed for his pillow, stuffing it over his face so he could mask another groan.  As Rin prattled on and on about the changes Haru’d need to make to his daily routine in order to chase his Olympic dream with him, he wanted to be annoyed, to roll over and tell Rin he could take his regimens and diets and shove them back into the hole they crawled out of.

Instead, he found himself smiling into the fabric of his pillow, his eyes squeezing shut and a laugh lingering on his lips.  Inside his chest, his heart beat steady and hard, reminding him of the previous night’s promises, and despite everything - the still-lingering fear, the anxiety of performance, the uncertainty of success - he felt _free._

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://g-script.tumblr.com/post/96538946436/title-for-you-i-blossom-fandom-free). Thanks for reading!


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